My Little Masquerade.

It's not who you are that matters! It's what you are wearing.

Is it me or has being a perfectly honest person cause me nothing much but misery? 'Cause when I admit how I really feel or what I really think, I end up in hot soup. Like, it's wrong of me to feel the way I am or to think the way I do, so it'd be more right if I'd just pretend to be happy when I'm not or to agree with him/her when I don't really.

I can't always wear a mask over my face. At some point or the other I'm going to have to take it off. Even if it means someone will see what's behind it. Even if it's not a pretty sight to behold.

Living on this little planet that goes zoom-zoom around the sun can be so difficult sometimes. No, I'm not blaming anyone for anything. I'm just saying. And don't tell me how weak I'm being, you'd think I'd already know that. Mm. I wonder how much longer I have to live. And if I knew the answer to that, would it be any consolation to me?

Hm. Oh, I just thought of something hilarious! Okay, ask me what would I do if I knew I was going to die tomorrow. Go on! What are you waiting for? Ask me! Ask-ask-ask-ask-as...-

I would go ahead and plan my own funeral. Ha ha freaking ha.

I Am Not Being Myself.

I am so proud of this shot I took of you, baby. :)

* * *

So much has been happening in my life the whole time I was missing from this blog. It's just crazy how so many things can just keep coming up at me- ready or not- within such a short time span. I mean, come on! It's only been 10 days into the month and I'm already starting to feel like I'm losing direction. At times, I think I already have.

I tell myself to calm down because getting worked up isn't really going to smooth things out, but sometimes I can't help it. I breakdown. It's unsettling no longer being as sure of myself as I used to be. I look at all the decisions I've been making lately and can't see any of my typical self in it. I'm becoming a stranger to myself, and it's scary...

What can I say? Is an identity crisis like this normal? I mean, I'm sure nearly every teen-aged girl has gone through this before, right? Or maybe I'm just saying that to make myself feel better. Whatever. It's not like it's working. It does have all right ingredients though, and that includes the timeless spice of "boy problems". Whoopee.

I am not being myself. Or maybe I'm becoming someone else. Whatever it is, it's not cool. I'm confused. I'm cranky. I'm even a crybaby these nights. And shut up- I'm not PMSing! No PMS ever gets this bad. Sigh. I wish someone can tell me what's going on here, because I'm at a loss. Round and round in circles I go...

I hope all this will lead to a happy ending. Eventually.

Lerry and the Beanstalk

FEE-FI-FO-FUM! I SMELL THE BLOOD OF MISHIE & JO!

Five more days until Mishie and Joseph comes back home from Aussie for a twelve-day visit! Yes, I've been counting. The last time I saw them was on the evening of Friday, January 16 at the airport before they departed. Whoa! I remembered! See how much care!?

Yeah, I remember that night all too well, including...uh...my emotional breakdown. I was planning not to cry, okay? Seriously! I was even giving myself a pep-talk in my head. It went something like, "DON'T CRY! DON'T CRY! DON'T CRY!"

Somewhere in between my very composed pep-talk, however, I actually cried. Then there was Rachel fanning me with a plastic folder while handing me rolls of toilet paper. Really. That girl carries around the most practical things in her leather handbag.

Anyway, here's to 5 MORE DAYS! And...MAGICAL JELLYBEANS.

PS. One of the two of you better have a box of purple and pink Wonka Nerds for me when you get back! ;) Just kidding! Well, not really.

Who Needs Adrenaline?

I love decorating my house in Pet Society. I like my living room, my dining room, my kitchen, my library, my bathroom, my bedroom, my studio, my study room, my family room, and the attic that I turned into an indoor garden! I might as well enjoy playing this game until my interest in it starts to wane all over again.

Yeah, I know. I sound like some overgrown kid now, but I don't mind! It's not like I'm doing something utterly silly...like like like...eating arts & crafts glue. Well, not like I've ever done anything like that when I was a kid, but I did have a friend in kindergarten who did. Come to think of it, I wonder whatever happened to Chico?

Well, I'm sorry I don't play cool games like DotA, Left4Dead, or Call of Duty 4. I have had my fair share of them, and I'm sorry, I'm just not hooked. The adrenalin rush the guys love is the same one that I just don't. If I wanted that rush, I would go and jaywalk Old Klang Road by myself instead of climbing up and crossing the pedestrian bridge.

Yeah, you know how Old Klang Road can be. All vroom-vroom-vrooom! by speeding motorcyclists. Boom-dee-dee-boom-boom-boom! by cars with speakers turned up obscenely loud. And honk-honk-honk! OI! BEEP LEI GE MA LAH! by impatient lorry and truck drivers. Oh, and the occasional screeeech-craaassh! by a nasty accident.

Whatever. I'm saving my adrenalin up for better use, people.

In the mean time... PET SOCIETY! Whoohoo! Rock on, Pepper.

The Great Color Wheel!

Just because I don't really wear them, doesn't mean I don't like them. :)